Coping with Long Distance Relationships

We'll be the first to admit it, long distance relationships (LDR's) are tough. There are no easy answers to all the questions you may have, or solutions to the insecurities you may be feeling. These tips will help you decide if a long distance relationship is right for you, and how to cope with one if you decide to give it a try.

Long distance relationships aren't easy but some people do make it through to the other end and are glad they did. Here are some questions you should ask yourself before entering a LDR, and some tips for couples currently in a LDR.

Is a Long Distance Relationship Right for You?

It's a big decision to enter a long distance relationship in the first place - they require tremendous trust. You have to trust your partner to be true to you, while at the same time be on your best behavior. The decision to enter such a relationship should not be taken lightly.

Ask yourself these questions to determine if you're ready for a long distance relationship:

1. How long have you two been together?
2. How tight is your bond?
3. How long will you be apart?
4. How often will you be able to visit?
5. How often will you be able to communicate?
6. How much trust do you have for your partner?
7. How much trust does your partner have for you?
8. How do each of you deal with fights?
9. How secure are you in yourself and in your relationship?
10. Why are you about to enter a long distance relationship?

Question number 10 is very important. Sometimes we can be blinded by our feelings and find out that the reason we are about to go long distance really isn't that good. Say, for example, your girlfriend of the last 4 years suddenly wants to transfer to a new college. There might be good reasons for continuing a relationship - but it might also be a signal that things are about to end.

Tips for Long Distance Couples

Ok, so if you decide that a long distance relationship is what you want, here are some tips for how to handle the relationship successfully.

Find a Support Group

Whether it's just a group of understanding friends or an official long distance relationship support group (like they have for military couples), you need a group of people who are there for you. Finding a support group won't sound as urgent at first, but as time passes you'll be glad you did.

Communicate

Let the other person know you are thinking about him/her. Keep in touch on a regular basis and be open about everything you are going through. With a long distance relationship, you need to work hard to solve problems as they come up. If you hang up the phone with unresolved issues, it will eat you alive until you talk again.

Be Trustworthy

Don't do anything you wouldn't want your man/woman to do. If you break their trust, not only will you feel terrible about it, but you'll also get the added benefit of wondering if your partner has done the same thing to you. Stay out of compromising situations and put up firm boundaries with your friends of the opposite sex.

Women - watch the guy who starts coming around all the time because he cares. Men are terrible "good friends" to women and your boyfriend/husband knows that. If you have someone coming around all the time and trying to take you out to dinner, "as friends," watch out.

Guys - the same thing applies. Keep your clothes on and hands off.

Set Clear Ground Rules

This will prevent a lot of problems in the beginning. If you don't want your partner going out alone with people of the opposite sex, say so. Your partner probably wouldn't cheat on you anyways but if you set clear ground rules, it will prevent a lot of the wondering and insecurity. But don't get all psycho with your rules - make them reasonable or else it will just create resentment.

What you don't want to do is set conditions. Things like "you better text me every 2 hours or else" will blow up in your face. Sure, you want to talk on a regular basis but sometimes life screws up our plans and we have to reschedule. That's a part of dealing with long distance relationships, good luck!